April 13, 2013
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Spirit of fear
The brilliant French had understood the concept of the nagging could-have-beens, giving it the name of esprit de l'esaclier.
It's appropriate to use this term when the perfect comeback suddenly decides to materialize and dance on your tongue, leavnig you angry as you understand how you could ahve won the argument if only you had thought of this earlier.
But what term to we use to describe the feeling of missed love? Of turning our backs because we believe in the inevitability of a relationship's occurrence or viability, so we settle for what is convenient and what is presented?
There are things that will be forever left unsaid, that we wish we would have spoken sooner when we had the chance, or pried to get an answer to beforehand. Arguments are easy to forget about, but the feeling of having missed out on an entire human being's love is another pain that engulfs us.
What spirit, then , is that?
What spirit can describe the haunting, breathstealing event of acknowledging that if only we had taken that one step, those few minutes, that one day, that one move, it could have all changed? If only those few words would have brought that one person closer?
Unlike arguments, where we are dominated by our dignity and a drive to win, we're left dominated by fear.
How often we let ourselves collapse and watch our shinging unicorn wander off as we let our fate be determined by fear.
Do we actually believe that the relationship would never happen? Do we actually believe that it is too hard to pursue? No. We use these to smother the truth, because we fear understanding we are in fear.
Then, we can only surrender to time and hope, and pray that God guides it back.
Sometimes I wonder if both parties had paused, from the same grappling stagnation brought on by fear.
What if i'ts because something seems so perfect, that we run from it?
Comments (10)
Wow! Beautifully written with profound insight. I think this is my new favourite post of yours, Victoria.
Hm. Quite a beautiful yet interesting thought. Sometimes these circumstances can be like having a perfect opportunity presented at the wrong time..if that makes any sense. Yet sometimes it's perhaps we have so much hope and expectation of something that the fear that it might disappoint or fail us may make us run from it.
I don't know about relationships, cause I'm crap at those so I try to avoid them as much as i can, but when it comes to other opportunities like getting healthy/in shape, big career moves, and things like that I have definitely succumbed to this.
There is probably a word in German for that feeling. They've got a word for everything.
And it's never good to wonder about might-have-beens. If it was meant to be, you'd have done something about it, but something else held you back. Fear, the sense all not being right, not being ready for whatever was next--something held you back. The good thing about this is that sometimes, you can always say whatever you wanted to say to someone, if you have to get it off your chest. Use your best judgment.
There is no might-have-been that can't be changed to is-right-now, given the apposite push.
This is a common thing in life. Humans are fragile . When you start from the standpoint of being fragile, you often act out of fear. It is only later that often times this fear one has acted out on, seems regretful and should have been handled differently. That I guess is experience. I suppose you could say you could learn from experience, at the same time realzing that acting from fear was because one started from a standpoint of fragility. Few are strong. But even they had to somehow GET there.
Would it not still be esprit l'esacalier? Unless there are subtle nuances not apparent in the definition of "nagging could-have-beens".
Beautiful post, made me even more glad I came back to Xanga
Whenever I've felt like that, i make a point to never feel that way again, accept it, and do better next time. I'm learning fear is such a useless emotion in everyday life.
@BenelliMan - is that a question, a statement or an accusation?
You're religious???
@iones_island - corrected!
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