July 25, 2012

• Red lips and Ponderings

   

  Really superbly hectic recently trying to pave the path to a steady future, so have been slacking in updates. I just took a few pictures for about 10 minutes! yayz. Putting up a quick update now because tomorrow I will be going to NY with my friend that I'll mention in a few sentences! and i'll probably pass out right after practice today z.Z

  One of my best friends Uriah Kim recently came back from Korea and got me one of Korea's many wonderfully cute cosmetic products! I normally don't buy these myself, but I like receiving them haha it's a tinted moisturizer, and most people who know me know that I love a red lip (or colored).

  What's better than color that moisturizes?! 

  

  

  Pre lip color (I deleted by accident the picture of me holding the liptinter... so here is one that I was going to post later with normal/naked lips)

  With the color(all following pictures are with the soft pinkish/reddish lip color) It's a soft pop, not like the bright red that I have...which I still like, but this is much more day to day wear, and much more suitable for the office environment  (when I sporadically feel like putting on some color when I"m bored)

  

   

  

  I got this watch, bracelet, and ring actually a really long time ago( ring about 3 years ago, watch and bracelet some months ago) but never got around to taking pictures of them because I lost my camera battery after moving out of the dorms back in May but recently found them in a box with other memories Bracelet is all copper, watch is just cool. 

  watch from i forget...i think UO or vintage store. Cuff/bracelet from etsy

   

  

   

  Recently I've been driving way too much. THe commute from home to work is about 30 miles ( which isn't too bad) but with traffic and the small roads, and traffic congestion, and did I mention traffic? It sometimes amounts to 4 hours round trip which is a huge chunk of my life and basically a waste of time. It didn't bother me until my dad and friends from out of town would come over and tell me how far the drive is from that part of maryland to my house. It still doesn't bother me too much ( except when I"m late haha) because of all the people and the birds I see driving.

  I often see flocks of birds taking off in a swoop toward the sky from underneath a bridge and feel a sense of exhilaration imagining myself as a bird, free, and able to fly. Perhaps it's the environment of a programmer's office that I'm in every day that makes me so unsettled, but I feel the need to leave. I'm not sure what I'm leaving, but I think it's leaving what I've pushed myself toward mostly because I needed a bridge to connect me to my parents. I haven't really been fully able to embrace my English major because I knkow the heavy repercussions, but at some point I need to stop lying to my parents because these lies are weighing me down with guilt (plus they're paying for most of what is left of my tuition so it's kinda like I'm stealing from them). 

  I think the only downside of the commute is that left side of my body namely the hip will tense up and become painful and the gas that it sucks up. Other wise, it's great decompressing time from my dark, no window, quiet office.

   

  ok music time

  the lumineers- dead sea

  from denver, colorado, the lumineersss. Heard them some time ago during a study session browsing, and fell in love with their sound. 

  tango cancion. i listen to this in the car on repeat sometimes. sexy

   

  sometimes i sit at my desk at work and wonder how I got where I am now. I don't deserve any of it. I'm so thankful for all the research professors who decided to hire me to write code for them and research, for the government deciding to pay for me for my work, and for the professors I've come across who have inspired me even though tye may not know it. 

  But at the same time, I also wonder when I'm going to get out of the cycle of working at the same type of jobs over and over. I guess money is money and until I find out what it is my heart is truly yearning for I should just settle down for a bit. I don't know if I've ever felt the feeling of being settled save this stretch of time when I had an anchor to calm me down.

   

   Actually, during wushu practice, I was thinkking about this. I know exactly what I want but for my entire 22 years of life I've been too scared to be passionate about something. I want it to be an easy answer as to why, like the cliche I'm too scared to fail or not get it so I dont chase it, but it's more than that. It's a fear of being bound and having no way out. 

  I want my family to stop emotionally, slowly killing each other, to stop ripping out their hearts and just love like a family. I want to pursue a PhD that has no job prospects, at least not to the normal person or to my parents and their friends, and much more. 

  I find I do much of my thinkking during practice...probably why I can't get my left handed cartwheel right sometimes. 

  • 7:36 pm
  • 24 Comments