6AM Sunday night, I have sleep issues, my circadian rhythm is so off. Sleep 5-7 AM everyday, wake up around 12- 1. I hate it -.- but I can't fall asleep!  

(so i'll be adding to this list throughout the day...if I remember to!)
John Legend and Robin Thicke, two of my most favoriteee artists

Robin Thicke- Lost without you

thicke/ludacris- sex therapy

john legend -lets get lifted

John legend- so high

 John legend- slow dance

 Obviously different between john legend and robin thicke. Different moods, and different setting for each artist. Thicke's is more flirty, fun, whereas Legend's has more serious lyrics. 

I guess if I had to choose a favorite I'd go with john legend. There seems to just be more soul and meaning in his lyrics and sound 

I DONE DID IT.

I am now Victoriamisu. *sigh* 

Tiramisu Parfait from la madeleine 

(this was this past summer! July...how I miss summer)

that whole im going to wait 2 weeks to see how i feel about this lasted about 2 days

I have a TON of other pictures of me eating tiramisu in some form. kinda funny now that I realize how much I have hahaha

 

Well, now that I've changed my name to resemble some cake, expect MORE sweetness. HA i'm just kidding, don't. I'll probably still write my bittersweetromantic, tainted, forbidden love stuff when I prose my butt off.

Also, who else misses the warm weather =[ I miss the summer... light breeze and more importantly, a soft glowing sun, perfect afternoons.  

I've realized that I need somewhere warm. This cold weather make my skin so parched, that no amount of lotion seems to quench it.

Sunlight and warmth are so liberating

 clams casino, easily a favorite 

 

 

but we still got sunshine

in a way, summer never ended

 

 

I'm glad we have seasons, though. they allow for changes, acclimation, surprises 

 

 

Alright... so a few of you will possibly remember that some months ago I had decided that I wanted to change my username. I asked for input, and got a hugeeee list

Last night, I put up a pulse with Victoriamisu. For those of you wh don't know, tiramisu is my favoriteeee cake! It is also @cakalusa 's i think, or one of his favorites. I dont know how I know this...or why it is even relevant.

 

like omfg yum

Though yellowmodelchic seems to be popular as well ... other suggestions can be seen here.

But I'm going to let this settle with me for a bit, to see how it feels, because I think it flows pretty well. Plus, I'm obsessed with tiramisu

i like sweet food (if you say the word "sweet" over and over it sounds REALLY weird)

After about 2 weeks or so, if I feel it is a good fit I'm going to change it...or if I feel impulsive beforehand

Aside from the username change, I guess the next big thing would beeeee the posts going around about alex's nye shindig!

Met a lot of people, hopefully they all remembered haha saw/tasted a spiked gummy bear, thanks to timmy

**CHECK OUT THEIR BLOGS TO SEE MORE

timmy's spiked bears

 

hehe ket

she is coloring her nail..OR IS SHE

alex had something called honeybear that he mixed with my gingerale.
I liked the gingerale by itself bettterrr 

 so good of you to come, shawn!

@junbelievable08, @whotakethmycoke, @roadlesstaken, @hello_bianca, @cakalusa, @flipguy310, @sonychak, @infinityNY, @scrooge0, @nimbusthedragon,@joanna_said_so (HAHA thank you geoff!), @drakonfyre, @stupid_systemus, @timmmmmmy, @bengozen and many more but I am going to finish this list later

 btw, best cookies and meatballs by bianca, liz, ket and kylie

 

And Chris' vid!

 

 

So I had planned for the longest time to extract my wisdom teeth today.

Thank you to all of you who texted/called/left voicemails, like @sonychak, who is, btw, at @roadlesstaken s place right now!  2 days (btw you should see both of their blogs for some serious AWW!!)

BUT I had taken some before pictures

  

real quick before I left to compare. 
What did I look like when I came back?

 

exactly the same.

Operation didn't happen! I have been recommended to see an oral surgeon becuase the wisdom teeth are nearing the nerves and bones, so they are afraid to do actual extraction, and said I need real help. But they've made impact/rotated/are pushing in to the bone and teeth! It looks so funny on the xray because one of them is just hangin out on the very far side of my gums, and it's completely rotated so it looks like a ball. Oh noes

 

 

anyway, good thing too because I was super hungry and was worried I couldn't eat for a while, soup isn't exactly filling...and cheese turned into a puree doesn't sound as if it'll be delicious. I then went to buy a bear claw from panera as a celebratory gift to myself for dodging extraction/drugging/sleepmedicine. hehehe

Also, I found out one of my friends goes to the same dentist. But he has the same exact name as the dentist and I was highly incredibly superbly amused by this

On the subject of AWWW's, 

 

soh kyootttt

Christmas!! My contribution:

 mussel linguine, yogurtfruit parfait, there was some other stuff like salad but it looked weird on my camera  

new year's comin up! Resolutions?

I'm going to see Tintin like 5 times with different people. It looks SO GOOD, it'll be childhood brought back. Next they should make a calvin and hobbes movie  

not that that has anything to do with my resolutions

 

 

I'm sure most of you are aware of this incident by now, or a familiar one in which an elder man in America had the same thing happen to him.

After watching these videos, it is easy for viewers who are not from China to start pointing fingers and saying things like "FUCKIN CHINESE PIGS, CHINESE PEOPLE ARE SUCH **** :SJ:KLC *&@&^&."

 

To quote some of the comments on one of the youtube videos on this

"Chinese are dirty, cheap, ignorant, rude, socially and morally deprived people in this world.

Bad human rights history, abuse to animals, destruction and pollution to the environment.

The Chinese make me SICK!

SHAME."

 "I know Chinese people for a long time. all of them are dirty and only looking for the money. They are ready to undress in the public only for 50 Cents.

By seeing this video, my hatred enhanced toward these dirty ethnic."

"hahahaha thats what u get for eating cats and dogs u sick fuckers ps they should nuke all of china"

"so sad we are very lucky not to live in a non caring country like her poor little angel,sad to say but atleast shes in heavin with our loving caring god"

As if the only people who do this are Chinese. 

 note that these comments do not exist just on youtube. In daily conversation, in supermarkets, on facebook, I've seen and heard these types of comments surrounding this incident when it blew up.

The man who had the same hting happen to him in Connecticut received this response in one of the videos showing footage of his incident

"I liked the double standards of the China video when everyone said the Chinese are monsters, then when the same thing happens in America, they abandon all accountability and say, "Oh the whole world is like that".

For once, I'd like to see an American own up to their opinions. With opinions comes responsibility, but they missed out on the responsibility and owning up to their opinions part."

Some also go on to say, "it's not as bad as those Chinese people"

After watching THIS video, it is now easy for people to generalize about Americans. One of my friends in NYC from France had this comment to say about the video: "Americans have no standards at all... oh, except for you guys, you guys have become my friends"

Of course, not all Americans or non-Chinese people are like this, just as not all Chinese people are the way youtubers think they are, based on ONE VIDEO. However, his/her comment summed up the point, that people are quick to point fingers. the entire country of China is not like this, just like how the rest of the countries in the world are not all caring countries.

It's not jus America that does this. Chinese people also see bad things happen in America and form their prejudice and hatred against Americans based on one or several incidences. America, like China, does NOT consist of people who are ALL vile, disgusitng whatever. 

This is not my opinion to pardon the people in the videos, or in the world, this is to describe the quick judgements people are able to form based on a few stereotypes they've seen come true, or from a few bad actions they've seen. 

It's not as if all of China is happy about this incident either. 

But let's not even focus on these incidents and how wrong it was of these bystanders. Why did I bring this up? Yes, to attempt to discuss and retort against the generalized comments about countries and groups, but more so to say:

 

How many times have you been abystander? Or witnessed something on the road, made an excuse not to help, and drove/walked/ran away? If this has never happened to you, then when it does, make sure you dont become a bystander before pointing fingers.

Maybe these people wouldn't have been hit by the car, or hurt by the crazy homeless man that you might have tried to help, or idk something else dangerous in wahtever other situation, but there might be other reasons.

If not, then again, don't be a bystander if you want to criticize them. It's one thing to acknowledge how disgusting this is, but it's another to assume that we are so much better. Just because you would have helped eosn't mean it's right to degrade the people in the video. In fact, the time it takes for me to type this or for you to read this is enough time for both of us to go and help someone.

 We all screw up at some point in our lives, big time.

 

Second shoot of Oye Glam, favorite piece from it:

 

check  Oye Glam out! !!

Photog: konjo kalonji

makeup: Dominica Thillary 
 

WEBSITE: oyeglam.com

so now, MUSIC

what i listened to as I packed all my stuff from my room to homee

Deadmau5- not exacly

Lupe, The weeknd- til i falll

So... most of the  music I listen to, I can't stand the lyrics, at all because of how vulgar it is. But I really really love the flow ! Actually, I hate most of the lyrics haha. 

J Cole Can't get enough OMGGGG 

Think i may have posted this before, but

heartbeat- childish gambino

Tree tops- clams casino

And of course my all time favorite by them so far, summer track,

I'm God 

 

ALRIGHT! I hope you guys all have a great hoilday/whatever you celebrate, or even if you don't celebrate anything, to enjoy the winter =]

I for one am glad that we have not had snow... or freezing cold weather. I do not fare well in those conditions -.- 

 

Oh ps, if you want more music, and awesome music, check out @mrqtran 

*

 

 

What do you imagine the moment you close your eyes?

Is it different when you know that you can have a few hours of rest? What resounds in the receded caves and crevasses of your mind?

 

I've found that sleep is very hard for me to come by, peaceably.

I can't decide whether it's the silence I'm scared of or if it's the fact that I've been so adjusted to hearing loud noises at night. It's not just loud noises, it's anger. When the girls next door walk around yelling "PENIS" or blasting music at 4 in the morning, it's not the same as my family throwing a synchronized tantrum. 

But the silence... the silence might scare me. Yes, I believe I might be scared of silence.

It's not just that it's devoid of  the noises of serenity or even the familiar battles, of anger, of adrenaline, and suspense, awaiting danger... 

It's the fact that I'm left alone to my own thoughts that

...

you ever feel drowned by yourself, your brain, your doubts and desires,

and you see these all in flashes and episodes, or just total blackness, when your eyes shut, when your senses concentrate together.

I'm sure this sleep that I yearn for is deeper than the body's inability to find a restful state. It's the soul that becomes penetrated, stabbed, by my own thoughts, by me. And if there's one thing that you can learn in life it's that a person can take so much physical pain if only her/his emotions are not facing demons. 

when i close my eyes, it's just blackness, sometimes it drips with crimson stains.

or i envision a dream that I want to reach and watch it like a puzzle piece crack, but i drown those out with other thoughts that then drown me out by their weight.

I guess this is something that I'll just go through, it's a plague on sleep that's been lingering since I could first remember my dreams. And slowly, as my body decays, so does the vision and existence of sleep. I don't know how to sleep anymore. 

When I was 4 I was so disappointed I had not rememberd my 16 times tables. I had disappointed my dad, not just because of my birth but because of my intellectual deficiency. And I remember, though there were moments before, being haunted by a taunting sleep, or rather, rest.

The body's batter can recharge but the soul's stability can drain or add to the stored energy. I seem to slip in to a stagnant, quiet, blinded state of stillness in which my reserves do not 

 but perhaps this is essential to my livelihood, that, as a friend once said, I don't know if I have another choice ... 

for now.

if only there was a real relief button...

someone willing to wade with me through sleep's aftermath, leting me skim the surface while slowly unwinding my soul. 

 

(OK for those of you who actually read this, thisis really just somewhat of a diary entry of osmehting i've been entertaining in my mind for my entier life since I could form memories. I ain't suicidal.)

 

 

For those of you who are in to RPGs, you will know how crucial the save option is on the emu's. 

Right before you go in to fight a big boss, or make a crucial decision to drop down a hole in the ground to look for the skeleton key to the dungeon, you can save by pressing escape, the down arrow key three times, and enter. If you find that you have chosen the wrong path, and should have taken that path on the other side of the mountain or river or desert, or if the boss defeats you, you simply Open State and restart, perhaps choose a different path or catch a fairy and heal up your life stock.

(I was informed you can press f5/f7, but, I can't since my laptop is a poopy)

I'm currently replaying Legend of Zelda on my emu, and while studying for finals decided to go on certain quests. I'm currently in the dark world in the 4th dungeon, fighting Blind the Thief. (I haven't played this in years, this is so much fun!!) 

Right before I lead the little innocent girl in to the light,

I save so that in the even that my already low life stock runs out, I can restart in the matter of seconds. It really takes less than 1 second to restart, to change my plan of action, or even find a better sword/ upgrade the Master Sword, so that when I have to fight this

I can actually win. Each of my near failed attempts will have been erased. Eradicated. Razed. Forgotten.

If only life were like an RPG game, and we had different save states. you'd have one right before he LSATs, or even a little before so that you can actually study; or some months before grad/college apps when you were wasting your time playing games on your laptop or just BSing around; or that time you got in a fight with someone you loved; or that time you lost the one you loved; or when you got in to an accident and your life completely changed; or when you wished you could have all the time in the world to illness your mother/father's cancer but couldn't, and time caught up to you

Imagine if you could access these save points each time, and still remember everything that happened. It's like the concept of a repeat button but you would have a timeline of events and options to choose from, and you'd still have to strategically place them/press the escape button. 

It really is like an escape, a sure thing. Imagine all the times you screwed up, or something didn't go your way, you failed, someone failed you, and you said to yourself or someone else "Man I wish I Could go back to that time..."

Or even the good times in your life, perhaps with an old/current girlfriend/boyfriend, a great trip, that feeling of seeing your med/law/college acceptance letter, or a great family gathering. Imagine if you could press "open state" and see that person again, enjoy that moment and feeling..

Would you?

Would you want these save points to dictate your actions, or just simply the option of going back? I wonder if there'd be such a thing as guilt, since most of the time the guilt we feel is probably from being caught. Until then, we live with what we're doing. You'd have the option to erase your life, the live in the memories, and each time you feel nostalgic, you place yourself in the same scene again. Each time you feel as if you could have changed a course of your life, could have maybe studied harder and gotten yourself in to Stanford Medical school, you'd be able to perhaps attempt it again and again and again a...nd...again..and... again and again again and again again and again again and again again and again 

 

 again and again again and again again and again again and again again and again again and again

 again and again again and again again and again again and again again and again again and again

 again and again again and again again and again again and again again and again again and again

 again and again again and again again and again again and again again and again again and again 

 

 

 

 

 

...

 

 again and again again and again again and again again and again again and again 

 

 again and again again and again again and again again and again again and again again and again ............

 

get it?

 

Your life would be a cyclical loop of over and over agains and repeats and attempts and never moving on. Unlike RPGs, in which the main objective is to find the boss, save the princess or whatever, and win the game and move on another game, our life has no clear direction, even if we think we know what it should be.

Yea, maybe we'll have to save a princess, maybe we'll have to find that sword, we will definitely have to collect money/rupees and tonics and potions, but we never know exactly when, even if we

repeat.

Without the option of that save point, we constantly wish for one. But with one, we'd be presenting ourselves with detrimental results, poison to our brains, and a life that thrives in the past. New events in our lives would take little precedence over the past.

Thank God those save points (for tthe time being before science reveals time travel and teleportation) exists only in games, in realities that exist only on our monitors. 

Your life has so many roads that you can take, it'd be futile to keep thinking "I want to go in the past." Learn from itl forgive yourself and ask for forgiveness if you've done wrong; enjoy the moments which are given to you; and live on.

Now Im going to go read before my final two exams...before I wish for my repeat/save button so that I dont fall asleep during my exam.

 

omg.

 

then.... grad school apps.

 

-___________________________________________-

 

 then...maybe I'll blog more after I stop drowning in pay perzzz

 

*did not mention... OYE GLAM IS HAVING A SALE( i THINK) IF YOU WANT TO CHECK IT OUT =] OYEGLAM.BIGCARTEL.COM 

 30% OFF ENTER "BOMB"

I should be finishing my last 4 research papers of the semester/studying up on Arthur's insanely long legend dates and such but I think my brain might have exploded.

 

Some weeks ago, I did another shoot for Oye Glam. It was quick, only 3 or so shots per jewelry item because I had to attend my rehearsal for the gso concert I psoted about in my last entry.

Preview pics:

Make up! Loved her, Dominica Tillary .  my face is not made for heavy make up if you want to make me look pretty/presentable -.- Sometimes, I can look like a clown if it's not done in a particular way.  

their awesome isshhh 

photog: Konjo Kalonji (her facebook page!), same as last time =]

so check the Sarah and Lorraine (Omolola and Ello) Oyetubo out! Oyeglam.bigcartel.com

findem on facebook =]

back to final crunch time... every paper is a research paper, but at least I finally enjoy and look forward to writing these regardless of how stressful each may be.

I'm glad I chose my thesis for my Shakespeare essay to be on Gertrude vs Lady Macbeth and their guilt. Gertrude's guilt/guiltless ness has been a point of contention for centuries, mostly because she's so underwritten. But I'm off to prove that she is indeed guilty for something other than marrying her dead husband's brother 2 motnsh after his death.

woo 

I am now sufficiently prepared to write 50-75 pages. 

I predict 75 because I am no good at being succinct *sigh*

Study music? Coltrane/ whatever other Jazz. Coltrane, one of the first jazz musicians I've eve rlistened to growing up. I remember the only stations we were allowed to listen to at home when we were kids were the classical music station and smooth jazz, not that I minded at all. In fact we insisted upon it

The days are turning bitter, cold winds biting at skin. Keep yourselves warm

 

 It's my little bro's 18th birthday

 

in vegas on our family trip this summer when we got photobombed in a good way haha

 

This weekend right after my LSATs I performed in the GSO concert for my school.

Here are some videos =] if you click the link, it'll autoplay...or maybe it will on here too. 0.o i guess i'll have to see after i publish this post! hehe

You won't be able to see me because I am perfectly blocked by the piano, i literally sat right next to it behind our concertmistress/amazing soloist *Laura haha...unless they zoom in somehow birds eye view! Or some slanted angle. 

I haven't really listened to these yet, so I don't know how they sound...but enjoy =] even if we mess up! >:0

We played a total of 11 ongs all together I believe, some are solo performances.

Im just going to post a few!

*You'll get to hear some of her solos, she's amazing. Also I thoguht my ears were going to burst from being a few inches away from the piano, but I forgot the piano projected the otherrrr way -.-

 

 

Metal Gear Solid

 

Shadow of Colossus

Katamari Damacy

check out the channel for other performances =]

 

Now I'm having trouble writing a response paper to Hamlet. I'm not exactly sure what to write about, there are too many to choose from but I'm not sur eif any of them are compelling enough for my rpofessor to read. 

Hamlet's madness? Gertrude's questionable innocence? The missing mother figure in Ophelia's life? Blah blah?

 -_______________________-

Grad school apps keep yelling at me...