This is the third time in my phone history that this has happened. You'd think I'd see the signs by now.. -.-
first time, back in high school, the phone would vibrate uncontrollably and had a sort of pulse, even when it was off. This kept up for a few weeks, and I never went to the store for fear that my parents would unleash their anger on me. After a few weeks the battery suddenly started making these weird sizzling noises, then one day it literally exploded.
The last time happened about two or so weeks ago, and I finally got a replacement (though I have not yet added even 1/30 of the contacts that I gotta add! will do after this hectic weekend). So, for those of you who have texted me in the past week, I have not received your messages!
ALSO THAT MENAS THAT IT WILL TAKE ME A WHILE TO GET MY CONTACTS IN THE PHONE
Tomorrow night I'm heading up to new york for a fun but hectic for new york fashion week
So I'll be walking for NYFW this coming weekend for a few designers, during my extremely packed 3 days, Fri-Sun, while trying to cram in a few hundred pages of reading and taking notes, drafting up my essays due Monday and math proofs due day after Valentine's Day. sad sad
but I am extremely excited and so grateful for how things worked out, that I'll be walking! actually, i'm still incredibly shocked by how smoothly auditions went, despite the rush and lack of sleep and super stress of other things on my mind, and lack of a portfolio -.- gotta get on thatttt. I also at first had no idea what I was auditioning for until I got there and they gave out cards. I was told by a very verrryyyy talented designer, who is originally from the DC area, about the show and the audition dates so I thought I was just auditioning for HIS show. I did not realize that we would be up for grabs by 36 designers which is pretty freakin kewl
early call time, makeup/wardrobe change in between shows, ends at late night. then back to DC to un-stress and unwind and do essaysss
but ti's ok, at nights and mornings i'll have that anchor to relax me tie me down for just a bit so i dont go crashing around on the tempest
this is what I presented as a comp card:
JUST KIDDING I LIED. I got my measurements COMPLETLY wrong the first time, measured the wrong places or didn't measure correctly whatever, so this is an updated comp card ha. so embarrassed the first time when I found out my real measurements on the bottom -.- hope they didn't think i was an idiot
(photographers:top, charles martin; bottom left, Konjo Kalonji; Dwayne of Magnetic Images Photography; Nam Wang of Chubs)
I was originally taking 6 classes, 5 upper level lit and 1 upper level math proof class because Iwas like I WANNA DO IT AND TAKE UP MY BRAIN SPACE
But I just dropped one lit class and I feel a huge weight lifted off of me.... it's awesome. I didn't want to die or become insanely stressed out, so while working on a math proof I dropped a literature class. TS Eliot, may we meet another time.
I've been thinking about why, even though I knew from the very beginning that 6 classes would be just an insane overload, why I wanted to so badly put myself in that situation, and take on orchestra and modeling and etsy at the same time. And I came to the conclusion that, like my entire life, I'm so used to being stressed that if I'm not, it feels as if I'm wasting my life. If I'm not stressed out or worrying about something, that means that I havne't occupied my time enough to achieve something in life. This pattern of though was embedded in me since I was back in the states around 3 years old, but since it was so natural to me, I believe that I was just born this way, to be attracted to situations that challenge while knowing I might possibly die. But if I come out of it alive, that menas win win win.
I've just been trying to console my guilt for not working hard enough by telling myself that 4 lit and 1 math class isn't a joke either, especially on top of all the other things i"m doing. But I sitl keep telling myself I could be doing SO MUCH MORE.
ahh...my double degree is so closeeeee
Then, I realized that the thing I keep tlaking about, about volunteering at whatever, I still haven't done. Perhaps this will just give me the right amount of stress relief and time to propel me toward it, or maybe it will be just the right amount taken off for me not to go insanely stressed out
ALSO... becuase of my hectic schedule and my waywardness with my future and all that stuff, I have not been able to read a lot of your blogs or respond and such, but while sitting in class I'll glance at my email subscriptions and read them even if i dont comment!
SOON. soon i'll do
Gotan Project has been one of my favorite groups for several years (and Armik, but I'm not posting Armik today! Oneof those things I'm trying, which is to just do one thing at a time haha)
some tango, latin awesomeness for you
Gotan Project- Tango Cancion
probably my favorite
such seduction, passion... eerie
una musica brutal
Epoca
and no i did not watch the super bowl or its commercials
Mila & Fire has more new clothing! This time, I shot mostly vintage, except for one neon dress. Check out some below and at the site shop.milaandfire.com !
omg spiked UMD cropped sweaterr
this is the contemporary dress that they have, neon gree nandpink with mesh =]
my favorite!! peephole in the back =] with a bowtie
So I had my second number theory class yesterday, and it was amazing. I've never had to formally write down a proof, especially not for something intuitive. In proving the arcsin of X = some angle, I was able to do so with ease. HOWEVER, proving something like a product of two irrationals is irrational is false is for some reason difficult.
It's hard to go about using the correct notation, and getting used to the format. Of course, we all know that the statement above is false. sqrt(2) times sqrt(2) is obviously rational. In that case, youve just proposed a contradiction to prove that the claim is false
But how to use the subset of, for all, set, blah blah notations?!?!?!?! Or even
I guess it's a bit like organic chemistry mechanisms...
the simplest things that seem to be the most intuitive always seem so hard -___-
I'm so glad I'm taking this course. The fundamentals of math will be borught to light, finally!
Two shakespeare classes. I realized that even though I really really liked shakespeare before college, the only exposure I had to him was romeo and juliet and macbeth. I apparently read macbeth in 10th grade....the only thing I remmeber is watching a production of it and seeing some woman kill a dragon. I read romeo and juliet plenty of times by myself, acting it out in my head.
But it's not the same discussing it in a classroom environment wit ha professor who can force or guide you in to viewing the play from a different perspective. For example, king lear as not just a political play but also as a play to hone in on loss, on control, lack of control and how sometimes we push people away to see if they come back.
The xx- Night time
I'm addicted to them
Thank you, God, for blessing my family with enough money so that my mother could spend the lunar new year with her family in Taiwan. She has not been back in so long since she left for America, and I know that she has never felt more free
First three days of class are done. I've now decided to take 6 classes, and added on a 400 level math class, Number Theory and I am INCREDIBLY excited to take this class. I haven't had math since I last took linear alg/diffeq/calc, and I really feel as if i've been drowning.
I need this for my brain...
I cannot wait for math proofs omg
I was on waitlist for a few days and was getting anxious, bought the book with the little money I had left over, and prayed that i'd get in.
I checked compulsively to see if I'd gotten in yet off the wailist, the yesterday night I found out I did and my reaction overall was like
So I know I usually say things like omg i wanna cover this! But this one I actually think I really want to. I'll seeee
on repeat the whole day, can't stop listening
Today I had a shoot with Mila & Fire vintage again (mentioned in two posts or something ago)
winged eyelinerrrr and red lips does the magic trick
(I didn't do the eyeliner, I'm makeup challenged aka an idiot so one of the girls put it on. I gotta learn this...)
I love how low key the shoots are. I come in with hair down, they put on eye liner and lipstick and I wear about 10 or something different incredible outfits that Kelcie and Morgan put together.
behind the scenes ishh
(morgan/mila! jacket for sale. morgan's awesome boots..NOT for sale. *sigh*)
Orange bag from H&M, gonna do to it what I've done to my leather bag, shoes, and tshirt dress.. STUDDING DIY YEAHHHH
it's much brighter of an orange in person! Hopefully when i stud it i'll be able to take another picture of it to show just how orange it is.
I've been really liking orange for some time. I never say orange when people ask me what my favorite color is, but as far as accessories it's perfect. It might even clash with the things I have but it is undoubtedly popping
The Rescues- My Heart With You
one of those moods
For those of you who watch pretty little liars, you'll know that this was on it Monday night, when Ezra and Aria re-meet. Best scene ever
Through all that is against them, they pushed through and made it work
(for now...)
i've had this on repeat for the last half of the day...such a beautiful song. thinkin of doing some type of cover of this song latah
I sailed a thousand ships in search of you. Traveled to distant land. I dove for sunken gold. I took what I could hold, But you're still the greatest treasure I've held in my hands
My love, the reason I survive
Trust we'll be together soon
Should our fire turn to dark
Take my heart with you
Always gotta wonder, what would you break through, sustain, from either outside forces or each other to make it last, or more importantly, even work...
New chapter begins now. Moved back to school, finally have my own space to work, and more importantly, an actual desk where I can write and think!
Cannot wait to indulge in these 40+ books ... too bad the first one in one class is Jane Eyre. Oh. My. Gosh... -________________- T_T >:| >:[ >:( *sniff *
First two classes were today, I think I'll have an issue taking 300 level classes. I noticed that I ahve only taken one my entire college career, the rest have been mostly 400's, and an evenly distributed amount of 200's and100's.
I sometimes wonder what sentiments my heart latches on to, how it forms it's glue
and why it chooses not to let go even when it hurts, even whe nit burns, and even when it rages
it's not even a choice, sometimes... it's a fact, that without that bond it would spiral out of control
it's like saying you choose not to live with water. Sure, it's a choice, but you'd squirm wither away like a worm under a magnifying glass in the summer
you'll find that at times, you'll surprise yourself by forgiving things you never thought you'd forgive
dotted lights run through
i can't wait for spring omg
been compiling a lst of pictures that remind me of spring and summer, maybe post it next time (and pictures of the hair in zeee above picture I have latah when I can get pictures off my camera)
i like that right now, even though it's past 5, it's not dark anymore.
I'm so excited for those late summer/spring nights when the sun glows even past 7
I recently shot for Mila & Fire, owned by Kelcie and Morgan. The vintage/contemporary online boutique sells clothes that exude femininity, confidence, and individualism.
I shot for their new vintage and comtemporary pieces! Take a look
one of the first things I shot, they're selling the fabulous slashed skirt!
a twist on the basic little black dress
(she's in their lookbook, check out their website she was fabulous)
go check out the other pieces!!
Anyway, classes start in about a week and I'm not sure if I'm excited or not. It will give me a chance to study again, to indulge in the myriad of books presented to me/forced in my brain, but it also will mean that time has flown too quickly by. Coming home after finals December 22nd didn't seem like that long ago. I think I wasted most of my winter break going online, doing I don't even remember what anymore, probably just window shopping (haha...browser window get it?) and going all over nastygal, asos, chicwish blah blah blah and wishing for whatever to happen in my life and wishing that I had been better at whatever, wanting to take action now but convinving myself it's too late to obtain those dreams.
then when it all ends, when i realize that my time has slipped, i tell myself i wont let my next break be like this. Why do I always do that, skip the time in between?
it's like my habit of speeding through the walk to class, or wherever, to get to the location early so that I can enjoy my time there and not stress about time.
Sometimes I wonder what my enemy is, if I have one other than Satan
and I've at times concluded it might be time, but then I realize, it's me. I let time scare me
What happens to each flame made that used to burn in your heart, each person who ever ignited you, but now has become a diminished, wax dripped candle?
Does your heart remained scarred, only half there, forever injured?
The bits scorched off turn into ashes, sprinkled away, after the fires have drenched your heart over and over...
But what if one flame remains a tiny match harbored within a single chamber, never resolved or given the chance to fully ignite? They say that love is like oxygen when you meet the right person. That match must be strong enough to last that long, waiting for that oxygen to breath it life, to breath it to life.
Two hearts once met, by chanced coincidence, or at least what we like to term "chance" during the novelty chase, and sought to uncover the other. But they never quite got there. With each notch the burner increased a bit, only to become ensnared by time.
So they secretly roam, search, pull, tug, shout, embrace, yearn, hurt over each other. I guess that's where the pain comes from in heartbreak, the scorching and healing then peeling of the scab. And through it all, you can only burn by yourself.
They reveled in the other, and sought comfort in smiles, in letters, in imagined kisses, but finally gave up to time. A little match was unable to keep them aflame, only enough to once in a while burn a little bit.
You ever feel like that, that a flame that had once started in your heart never had the chance to completely engulf it?
Recently, all I've really been doing are applications for jobs/schools, and a few shoots here and there.
I bought bleakhouse by charles dickens for one class, and from my previous experience with Dickens, I might get bored really quickly. Especially since it's ~1000 pages long.
JOYJOYJOYJOY
Well I thoguht this song was fitting for the entry
the flame- black keys
omg black keys is so freakin good
I'm at Banres and Nobles right now and there's a guy who looks SO MUCH like Dan Auerbach ....
Remember reading tolkein and being like, omg i wanna live in one of the abodes described! or when you saw the movie? When I read the hobbit wayyyy back, I fell in love with that world.
But it's not just the fact that the housing is a perfect mimicry of one of the most fantastical worlds ever, it's the fact that it's a beautiful clutter. For some reason, I love the messy yet organized and warm effect in rooms. It just seems cozy, and kinda make sme feel like i'm going on a tiny adventure in my own place.
The candles and lighting are brilliant. Lighting is such an important factor in a house, from the lights themselves to the type and placement of windows. Light brightens= happier!
Though I am not putting down Katie Ridder, who has appeared in ELLE and other famous publications for her interior design work, and, let's face it it's brilliant, her stuff just isn't my style. It's too open and organized. In al ot of the scenes there is too much symmetry. I think we are attracted to symmetry but like i said before, something about the beautiful chaos is so alluring. I'd know how to dress according to my environment hehe
for example, the open space, big stairs, almost Freer Art Gallery museum like structure...I'd wear pumps, wide brimmed hat, a-lined skirt and blazer in tweed. don't mind it, but meh. Comfortable hobbits are my styleee
Once I have a house/apartment/design my own, imma go all avant garde on its ass.
Actually hate might be too strong...I don't mind it, but I just can't sit there and listen to it on my own anymore. I think I'm putting my addiction to franki ocean , childish gambino, the weeknd, on a temporary pause (ONLY TEMPORARY because gambino/weeknd are so g00d). It's not that I don't like it anymore, there are gems by all of them, but I think my mind is taking a different direction. Maybe it's a phase, but I think it has to do with the fact that I can finally be something closer to sane and free and relaxed.
I guess if I'm in the car with friends I can listen dub and that ish. I still really like deadmau5, and can enjoy the heavy bass but since my environment at home heightens stress levels I guess I compensate by daydreaming to this stuff
To start, Dashboard Confessionals, Hand Down. Remember this song from some years ago? @mrqtran had this in his blog and it brought me way back
Acoustic version
Clams Casino (always will like them)
Coltrane- My one and only love
it's like walking into a fantasy dream with lovers in each others arms spinning and twirling on the dancefloor, lights low, band playing on the low stage. Mary janes, circle skirts, red liptstick, oxfords
Miles Davis AND Coltrane, ugh f'real masterpiece (thank you @sonychak!)
AL green- simply beatiful
Jazzamo'rs version of Sinatra's Fly Me To The Moon
cafe del mar- love my soul
Cafe del mar- love in spani
OMGGG
and some mesh of blues and soul, so perfect
black keys
'
snow patrol, lightning strikes...masterpiece, along with space lion. (RAWRRRLIONRAWRR)
entire song is actually like 16 minutes long, but here is a snippet/fav part
it's amazing, first time i heard this back in high school or early college, can't remember, I acttually imagined lightning and rain, a storm. It's such a calm song for its title, but illustrates lightning so well
plus a ton of tango
i'd play these in my house, specifically from coltrane to cafe del mar, with a glass of red wine in my hand of course
lighting would allow for a buttery glow either from the sun or luminescent, glass encased lights
*sniff *
(she's in their lookbook, check out their website 
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