July 10, 2012

• The blinded

   

  I got new glasses finallyyy

  

  picked them up before work, good thing the place opens early enough! 

  Speaking of vision...

  At a few homeless shelters I've come across the blinded. In order for us to get them food we direct them with our voices, and they follow the ones that they feel they can trust the most. Some are fortunate enough to have a walking stick, others not so much. Some even have branches or some random dirty stick object they probably found. All of them have the ability to trust in voices, to gravitate instinctively to the voice that they think sounds the brightest, the most honest, the least faltering, but not always the loudest or most commanding or steady. But of course, there are some who just trust every voice, every direction they're given. I think there's just a universal compassion that springs forth, perhaps due to some type of curiosity, as to how we would/could conduct ourselves in their place. 

  My most recent encounter with a blind man was this past weekend at a morning event. I don't know if he was completely blind, if his power of sight was darkened, or if he still had the ability to see some shadows but either way he had to be directed to the table of bread. As he walked toward the table the crowd around and in line parted, not because they saw him. it was as if it just spread, so naturally. He called out and asked if there was more food, so I yelled out to him to walk forward. He came to the table and got his bread, he chose raisin of all the ones I told him were there. Special accommodations of course were to be made since he could not see, so we walked him step by step which bagel was placed where in the box we gave him and how to feel them out. 

  Before he left, he told us that this is his life, daily begging and trusting not just the voices around him and the smells, but also his heart and faith. I always wonder, not just when I meet homeless people or some one else who's typified as poor, destitute, in need of sympathy/some good will from the world, but anyone, how they were as children. Did they meet their goals? Were there goals selfish? What stopped them if not, and what made them achieve it? Was it actually just pure will and brute force? And how crushed are the ones who have nothing, who became beggars, and barely know if they'll survive the next week, day?

  Right as he left, he told me that if he had his way he would still be in school, if he could see he wanted to see the stars, if he could see he wanted to see the green mountains people talk about, the cityscape NYC, DC, LA, and the tundras and sandstorms. He made so many adventures in his head, yet he does not know what he imagines. Instead of picturing lush greenery and rolling hills, daisies sprouting, people laughing, bright llights, he feels it in his heart. He senses the emotions coming from the voices, from the pitch changes. Of course, he could have been just another deranged person, some mental illness or delusion from suffering so much. But lets assume not, since he was able to speak ok and logically, repsond like a normal functioning person. 

  No amount of vision correction could have taught him this. I think some years ago, this would have completely sunk me and made me feel guilty to the point of paralysis. But recently, probably high school on, I broke out of that and it makes me kick myself still but in a different direction.

  Perhaps it's cliche and corny to end this way, but I had picked out my glasses a few days before this event (last thurs) and was excited to be able to see with correct vision and glasses that didn't push in my lashes all the time. Iwas excited to see stars, and just...see (I still can't wear contacts for the length normal people can, perhaps in a few more months). But his speech at the end which froze even himself makes me cherish the vision

   

  but...of course, it also makes me question how senses are then distributed, what his mind's eye must be. I always wonderthis but have never approached someone to ask. It's one thing to hear them explain, but it's another to have rationally, and faithfully explicated the entire vision. It's like the concept of words. Without the word jealous, we'd have  a hard time explaining what we mean. Say the word envy and whatever other close synonyms were nonexistent as well. How clearly would you describe this feeling of jealousy? Or would it even exist? Would you know that it is jealousy you are feeling? Could you convey it? The fact that it exists as a word allows us to attach those emotions to it. so awesome

   

  Officially done with the first semester class, I almost wanted to use my final research paper for an application in to the english phd program at certain schools but perhaps, again, my direction in life has changed due to another burst of inspiration rekindling a lifelong obsession that comes and goes- supernovae.  (I WAS NOT TALKING ABOUT THIS ENTRY!!! I had written "this essay" but i wastalking about the paper i wrote for class, not this one >.< i would not submit this haha. not long enough first of all...)

  sometimes i gotta remind myself i'm ONLY 22 instead of crap, i'm ALREADY 22. 

   

  • 8:27 am
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